Saturday Special: Interviewing the Easter Bunny and Easter Witch Eevanna Madfly

2011-04-23. Published in Language & Culture
by Nils Pasi

The sun rises, another day is dawning. It is a special day, and I can't help but feel slightly nervous. After a quick breakfast, I grab my notepad and head down the stairs out into yet another brilliant early spring day. The air is still fresh this early in the morning, and I imagine the dew would feel quite soothing on the grass under bare feet, but today I don't have time to find out. I have an appointment, and a quick glance at my watch informs me that I'm in a hurry.

On the bus to the park, I go over the questions one last time, so that when I arrive in the park, I am as ready as I will ever be. We have agreed to meet in the easter bunny's home: the large hole in the hill situated right next to the third oak tree to the right. Those of you who have been to the park, probably know the one I'm talking about. After all, it's the only hill with windows on the eastern slope. The 'house' is quite large, more so than you'd think, but then the easter bunny is quite large too. As he leads the way to the kitchen, I notice a broomstick in a corner by the entrance; apparently Eavanna Madfly has already arrived.

The interview

Me: Could we start by presenting ourselves.

Easter bunny: Naturally.

Eavanna Madfly: Yes, who are you?

I am struck by the brutal honesty of Eavanna's words and  her steady gaze. A few hours later, the sun reaches zenith and I finnish my life's story. Once again I ask my two interview subjects to present themselves.

Easter bunny: Well, I'm a hare, in the easter profession. I deal mostly in eggs and sweets, which I either hide or deliver to pre-made nests.

Eavanna Madfly: And I'm Eavanna Madfly. But that's just a name, you know, I actually fly quite well. I'm a professional easter witch. My substantial duties include flying to Blåkulla once a year, and that's just mentioning a few.

Although I'm pretty sure 'flying to Blåkulla once a year' should only count as ONE duty, I decided to proceed with a more pressing question.

Me: Mr. Hare, you mentioned nests. Could you elaborate on that?

Easter bunny: Well, see, the usual way is for children to go looking for the easter eggs that I've hidden for them. But sometimes, the children will actually construct like these birds' nests for me to leave their eggs in. It's really tough work, 'cause I have to find them, see. And there was this one time when I accidentally left an egg in the nest of a magpie--- I'm sorry, do you find that funny, Eavanna?

Eavanna Madfly: Hilarious. Didn't you pause to consider when finding the nest way up in a tree? Come to think of it, why did you even look for it in the tree in the first place?

Easter bunny: I don't normally, but since I happened to be in the tree anyway, I thought I might as well look around. That actually brings me to another hardship: these dreadful hunting dogs! I have a license, you know, an official easter license. They're not supposed to go after me, but do you think the dogs care? Did you know that hares in the easter business are the only hares capable of climbing a tree!?

Eavanna Madfly: [snorts]

After some heated discussion, I manage to quieten everyone down enough to resume the interview.

Me: So, one last question for you, mr. Hare, before we move on to the witch business. These eggs that you, err, deliver. Do you, err, I mean, do you like… lay them. The, ehm, the bird way, I mean?

Eavanna Madfly: [chokes on her tea]

Easter bunny: No indeed, I am no bird, I am not, sir! I carry them, in a basket. And it's not like they're real. I mean, they're not my potential, ahem, offspring or anything. They're all made of paper and filled with sweets. I'm not a barbarian!

When Evanna Madfly has finished choking on her tea, the interview continues.

Me: So, ms. Madfly, what exactly does a witch do?

Evanna Madfly: Fly to Blåkulla. On a broomstick, mind, not some modern vehicle of the air. Although some of my elderly acquaintances actually still use a simple branch. No animals, though! That was a long time ago.

Me: Yes, and you go there to feast with the Devil, I understand, sometimes kidnapping a child on the way...

Evanna Madfly: Now, now, let's not get ahead of ourselves. The practice of kidnapping children was abolished long ago. Now we don't do anyone underage.

Easter bunny: Really? And what of young mr. Nordström?

Evanna Madfly: That was an honest mistake – he didn't look his age!

Again, a heated discussion ensues, making me realize that although the easter bunny and Eavanna Madfly are friends, it is a very fragile friendship that could easily crumble to dust.

Me: I understand people used to light bonfires in order to drive you [easter witches] away. Was that an effective method.

Evanna Madfly: It is true that people used to light large fires to keep us [the easter witches] away, but how many people do that nowadays? Not that many, I tell you, and that's because it doesn't work on the modern, sophisticated witch. These easter fireworks on the other hand! Horrible! Have you any idea what kind of aerobatics are required once those start exploding all around you. A menace, that's what they are!

Me: Yes, and the easter fireworks actually started as a way to scare away witches. Now, we're unfortunately running out of time. Any last minute comments?

Easter bunny: Yes, please don't go hare-hunting during Easter. Apart from that, I'd just like to wish everyone a happy Easter. Oh, and please don't make the nests to difficult to find.

Eavanna Madfly: Take it easy with the Easter fireworks, they're a menace, they are!

And with that, the interview ended. The last I saw as I left the park, was a dark figure taking off on a broom from the top of the hill, and a light going dark when the door closed behind the easter bunny.
NOTE: Although this is obviously a fictitious interview, the dialogue is based on Swedish Easter traditions and folk tales pertaining to the easter bunny and the easter witches.

/Nils, team 2011